Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
