remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
