I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
