I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
