after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
