yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
