Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I showed him my bush... on skype.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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