My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
