my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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