He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
