He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
