How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
