I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
