No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
