But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize