put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
