I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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