he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
