White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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