Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
