ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize