i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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