You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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