I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
