How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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