wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
