He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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