we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
