guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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