help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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