Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
