You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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