Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
