if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
not ubering you a puppy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
