If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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