I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Randomize
