well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
