so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
