What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize