Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
