i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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