They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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