apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
