White coat. Heels.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize