sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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