God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
