I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
