That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
