Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
