Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You ruined the universe
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