fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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