I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
