What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
