i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
