She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
