my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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