Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
