Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize