Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
