Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
