Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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